I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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