Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
