Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
