I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
