yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
please come you make the beer taste better
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
