the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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