I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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