At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
