OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
