its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
