we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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