Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
