It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
sarcasm needs its own font
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
