what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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