when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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