she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize