Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
