my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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