thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
