it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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