Kiss
Puke
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
