i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
