Me too!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
