I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
