His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
