Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
