Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
