I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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