Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
