he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
