Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
