Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
