yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
