yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
