fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
