girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
