just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
