Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
