Betty ford says i'm here all night
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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