are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
