You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
