finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
