ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
