I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
