fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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