On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize