I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
where are my eyebrows?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
