Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
