I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
