I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i permit you to call me
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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