i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
