How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
