O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
