my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize