Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
