when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize