Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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