I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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