So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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