good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
