Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
