what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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