Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
