Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
